I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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