don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
