This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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