does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
