You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
