I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
