Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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