I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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