i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
