so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
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You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize