Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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