4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
