he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
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