watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
