Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
