CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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