I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we're making bets on your personal life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
