I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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