We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
