the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?