Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages