I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck