I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
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fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now