Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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