do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I've blown a few things in my day
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
