Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
