If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
