She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
