Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
