yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Boobs are out for the taking
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.