You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
did i walk over a car last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at