Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
