Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.

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(203): It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton. http://tfl.nu/85qb

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(314): View more from Missouri

he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me

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(314): he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me http://tfl.nu/5t56

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(443): View more from Maryland

you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it

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(443): you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it http://tfl.nu/4e12

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born

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(479): Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born http://tfl.nu/g2yi

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(908): View more from New Jersey

You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?

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(908): You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you? http://tfl.nu/3hav

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(407): View more from Florida

Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.

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(407): Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple. http://tfl.nu/3342

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(571): View more from Virginia

FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.

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(571): FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool. http://tfl.nu/xgys

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(860): View more from Connecticut

This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.

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(860): This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night. http://tfl.nu/namk

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(812): View more from Indiana

Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.

(1-812): View more from Indiana

...the American dream.

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(812): Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit. (1-812): ...the American dream. http://tfl.nu/qt7c

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.

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(336): I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat. http://tfl.nu/ctm6

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(703): View more from Virginia

Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other

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(703): Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other http://tfl.nu/yr17

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(903): View more from Texas

Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.

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(903): Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/q5rg

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(516): View more from New York

Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box

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(516): Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box http://tfl.nu/dk8b

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(775): View more from Nevada

You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished

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(775): You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished http://tfl.nu/zdpg

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(615): View more from Tennessee

A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness

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(615): A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness http://tfl.nu/k0cp

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