So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.