he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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