I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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