you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
