Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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