i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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