My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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