maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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