She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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