but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
