VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
