im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
