Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
