Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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