Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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