so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
