I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
