i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
