Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
