I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
