If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
