Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
