sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
