Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
