can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's get the cat blown out
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
