I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
