I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass