Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
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I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...