weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
