I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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