not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm getting married
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...