One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
