So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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