I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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