We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
