I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
